By Emma Barhydt
Alright, people, listen up: the only election that matters this year is happening at Beardsley Zoo. Six animals. One zoo. The highest-ranking animal official in the state. Yes, six animals are clawing, swimming, and ribbiting their way toward the mayoral title.
Now, I know what you’re thinking—Who cares? Why should you, a person of refined taste and possibly questionable voting habits, care about a poison dart frog named Dumbledore getting absolutely robbed? Because this is democracy in action. And, sure, some might argue, “Oh, but the zoo votes are based on donations, so of course Berry’s winning fair and square.” To that, I say: irrelevant.
Dumbledore is leaping into this election with zeal, and may I just say that this frog is glowing, folks. He’s literally neon yellow. His slogan? “Vibrant Leadership for a Brighter Future.” Imagine Dumbledore taking office, shimmering with leadership so intense that it might even glow in the dark. This guy’s so bright, sunglasses should be mandatory around him. And yet… he’s trailing. Why? Because Berry the Red Panda is out here running the most questionable campaign since Caesar got shanked on the Senate floor. Text “2025ZooMayor5” to 71777 to put some democracy behind that glow.
Berry’s entire campaign is sketchier than your second cousin’s pyramid scheme. She’s “working behind the scenes,” climbing the polls faster than she climbs trees in the Natt Family Red Panda Habitat. Yeah, sure, Berry. Is it really hard work, or did you stuff a few red panda-sized dollar bills into the right pockets? This whole “Paws-itive Change” shtick feels like it was cooked up in some underground, panda-focused PR firm. If you’re okay with some suspicious “campaign funds” and a potential panda shadow government, Text “2025ZooMayor7” to 71777 to help her climb even higher.
Willow the Mud Turtle is out here with her “Making Change from the Ground Up” platform. This slow-moving queen started in first place, folks. She was the frontrunner, the people’s hero. And now? She’s slipped to third-to-last. Respect the hustle, Willow. I’m sure someone believes in you. If you still believe in Willow’s mud-caked dreams, Text “2025ZooMayor1” to 71777.
Then we’ve got Post Makoi the Koi Fish, who has absolutely no idea what’s going on, just paddling around in his Greenhouse pond and thinking he’s “making waves.” Sure, buddy. If he’s making any waves, it’s because he’s flopping around with his “Greener Tomorrow” pitch which isn’t fooling anyone, Post, stick to the koi pond. If you want to vote for the “calm pond” party, text “2025ZooMayor2” to 71777.
Nuna the Andean Bear thinks her, “More than just the Bear Necessities,” platform is all fresh ideas. By “progressive values” she means “infinite snacks and naps for everyone,” which sounds super fiscally responsible– not. She thinks this election is a Disney movie, when it’s actually more like House of Cards. Text “2025ZooMayor6” to 71777 and let Nuna take it easy in office.
Last, we have Ethel the Guinea Hog. Her slogan, “Don’t Go Hog Wild—Vote for Ethel,” screams suburban mom energy, the kind that says, “I make my own jam.” I’m not saying she’s unqualified; I’m just saying her idea of a “wild Friday night” probably involves watching Murder, She Wrote with a plate of gluten-free cookies. If you’re looking for the candidate who brings order (and five hoglets) to the table, Text “2025ZooMayor8” to 71777 and let Ethel take the reins, mom-style.
Let’s get down to brass tacks. Yes, every vote in this Beardsley Zoo election is a one-dollar donation, and yes, the candidate with the deepest financial support ultimately takes the win. That doesn’t make Berry’s cash flow any less suspicious.
Each vote requires a minimum donation of $1, and there’s no cap on how much you can contribute, meaning that financial support has the final say in who wins. Remember, these donations aren’t just votes—they’re critical funds that fuel the zoo’s mission, from conservation efforts to educational programs that benefit the whole community. Every dollar supports the zoo’s mission of preserving wildlife and educating the public.
The winner will be decided by all text and online votes. Voting will close at 11:59 pm on Tuesday, November 5th. You can submit your vote either by texting the number associated with your favorite candidate, or by voting online at https://fundraise.givesmart.com/vf/2025ZooMayor.
So, here’s what needs to happen: you need to rise up. Vote thoughtfully (for Dumbledore), vote often (for Dumbledore), and help shape Beardsley Zoo’s next chapter. Emma Barhydt, an English teacher at Education Without Walls in New Milford, CT, is also a skilled journalist for the Greenwich Sentinel. Her writing captures the essence of local life and community, Barhydt’s work bridges personal experience with broader themes of connection and community support.
