By Emily Umbdenstock
Seasons with our kids will end. Grieve them, but not for too long because you absolutely don’t want to miss the next one. It’s even better.
-Carol Moore
Thirteen candles…plus one to grow on. I’m fine, really, I am…I’m not emotional at all (I’m hoping you can all feel the sarcasm dripping from my words). So New Canaanites, this week it finally happened…my first born turned thirteen years old on April 1st. My April Fool’s baby is a baby no more. In anticipation of this milestone, I’ve found myself scrolling through old photos more often than usual, studying his once chubby little face; reliving an array of captured moments in my mind. Of course, as any mother would, I put on my big girl pants and I made his special day a happy and joyous one filled with cards, cake, and presents galore; a grand celebration for my birthday boy! But inside, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of sadness that lingered within me.
Now I know I’m not alone in these feelings. After all, the great paradox of parenting is that it moves in both slow motion and fast speed. When I first became a mother, and was in the thick of everything and anything newborn related, I remember my own mom consoling me after a particularly exhausting evening with the following words: “The days may be long, but the years are short.” And never have words rung so true. There’s a tremendous push and pull with parenthood that you really can’t fully understand until you’re in it: grow up; don’t grow up. Give me some space; stay by my side. Become more independent; need me. I want time to slow down; I want time to speed up…that, my friends, is motherhood in a nutshell. Until I had my three children, I didn’t really know it was possible to feel such two different extremes at once. But, alas, parenthood is just that.
But what is the alternative, really? No good parent wants their child to stay little forever. It’s our primary job in life to make sure our sons and daughters evolve, thrive and become the beautiful people we always dreamed they would. I truly subscribe to the tenet that the best is yet to come. I mean, I have to believe this deeply and whole heartedly in order to live a happy life; one in which I am excited for the future and all of the promises tomorrow might bring. Sometimes, however, this is easier said than done.
So, on my son’s birthday eve, I allowed myself some private moments to dwell in my swimming emotions. But a funny thing happened after I threw myself a pity-party for one: I actually started to process my thoughts and feelings. I realized that, no matter how emotional I might have felt, it was time to step out of my own head and enter into the time and place I was currently in. I needed to be present and celebrate this monumental milestone. I had to remember that, even though one stage is over, another is just beginning.
Transitions are difficult. We often discuss how hard they are for kids, but sometimes we forget that they are tough for parents too. And that is perfectly okay. As my children grow, our family is changing, just as it is supposed to. Without even actively realizing it, we have created new traditions and routines. Our travel has slowly become more extensive; our dinner table conversations have become more interesting; and our weekends have erupted into a bevy of sports tournaments and competitions that, are quite frankly, pretty darn exciting. Sometimes the changes are readily apparent and sometimes the evolution is a gradual less obvious one. In any case, the key is to embrace the transformation while enjoying the ride.
So, I’m holding onto all of the past moments with my son, somehow simultaneously both short and long. Strung together they make up the very best memories, and it’s in those moments that he has become the teenager standing before me today. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that his growing foot size, his deepening voice and his sprouting height will trigger many tears in the years to come. But what a privilege it is to walk this journey with him! Neighbors, we’re all going through the same emotions, no matter what ages our children might be. All we can do is hold on and invite in the changes to come. Afterall, we may not have it all together, but together we certainly have it all!
Emily Umbdenstock received her BA in from Georgetown and her MA in Health and Behavior Studies from Columbia University Teachers College. When she isn’t “momming” her three children, she works as a freelance copy editor and an essay editor for college applications. A New Jersey native, Emily relocated to New Canaan in June.
