By Meg Newton
This past Monday, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I joined a number of New Canaan residents, clergy, local leaders, and special guests to celebrate the life and legacy of the Rev. Dr. King. I was deeply moved to be in attendance and to hear some honest words and reflections from members of the broader community. I want to express my thanks to the Interfaith Council of New Canaan for organizing the event, and to everyone who participated – and everyone who took time, on a day off or, for some, in the middle of a workday, to gather, remember, and celebrate.
The pervading theme of the event was the importance of love—and, in particular, love of our enemies. The Reverend Richard Williams, Pastor/Executive Director of Pivot Ministries, reminded us that Dr. King’s admonition to love even those who seek to harm us is a reflection of Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus proclaimed, “…I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Don’t just love those who love you back; don’t just show kindness to those you deem worthy of kindness; don’t just pray for those you care about. Love your enemies—and, as Pastor Richard reminded us, suddenly you’ve gotten rid of your enemy, because they’ve transformed into a friend.
I’ve been meditating on this as I read the news, and am so aware of the number of enemy relationships at play. Nation against nation, political party against political party, religion against religion, even neighbor against neighbor. Some of those conflicts may be very personal to some of us, and others may seem far off and disconnected from our reality. And in all or most of them, we may feel powerless to affect any kind of change. But Pastor Richard—and Martin Luther King, and Jesus—remind us that we actually can make a difference. We can start by learning to show love to our own enemies—the coworker who badmouthed us, the soccer mom who gossiped about us, the financial advisor who cheated us, the parent or ex or child who’s rejected us—and we can pray for our enemies as well as enemies on the global stage.
But I know—it’s easy to say we should love our enemies; it’s a lot harder to actually do it. How do we love the person who’s hurt us? How did Dr. King continue to love those who abused, defamed, arrested, imprisoned, and ultimately assassinated him? First, as Pastor Richard shared on Monday, we recognize that our hate harms us a lot more than it harms the one we hate. As you’ve likely heard it said, hate—and unforgiveness—are like taking poison and hoping it will kill the other person.
That may be a selfish starting point—choosing not to hate for your own good—but it’s a starting point! And then, Jesus’ instruction to pray is a good next step. The prayer may be less for the other person and more something along the lines of, “Lord, please help me not to hate them!”—but again, that’s a starting point. Your prayers will (hopefully!) slowly transform into “Lord, please protect and bless them” (though along the way the prayer might be, “Lord, please give them what they deserve!” and then maybe, “Lord, please change them into a person I can love”—maybe not what Jesus had in mind, but at least spoken with honesty).
And then—since love is rooted in action as much as emotion—what can you actually do to demonstrate love? What kindness can you show? Maybe even just not retaliating is enough of an action, at least for now. Again, that’s a starting point. And then, look again to Dr. King—to both his actions and his words. Maybe spend some time reading Strength to Love, a collection of King’s sermons admonishing us to follow Jesus’ example. In one of those sermons, he reminded his congregation, “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
Jesus himself drove out hate by laying his life down for us, and demonstrating that he himself is Love. When we’re struggling to love someone who’s harmed us—or we’re stirred to anger when reading the news, or we want to get back at a kid who’s hurt our kid—remember Jesus’ love, and his incredible love for you (as well as for your enemy); remember Dr. King’s strength to love in the face of so much hostility; and ask God for that same strength, knowing that returning hate only deepens the darkness, but even a small gesture of love begins to let in the light.
Meg Newton is a wife, mother of two teenagers, owner of two kittens, and the associate pastor of Trinity Church in New Canaan.
