By Stuart Adelberg
I’d like to thank all of the marketing professionals who have solved what has historically been one of our nation’s most persistent problems. For generations, Americans have awoken the day after Thanksgiving, comatose from their gastronomic overindulgences, content after watching a whole day of football, and thrilled to remember that most of them had an extra day off. We were sated from a joyful day of family and food and enthusiastic about the upcoming holidays. With these gleeful thoughts in our still weary heads, we happily rolled over and went back to sleep! For shame!!! What a waste of time!
But, no more. Now we know that the day after Thanksgiving it is our patriotic duty to get up early and hit the stores for Black Friday. There are bargains to be found and shopping records to be broken. What happens on Black Friday sets the stage for the entire holiday season, so when you choose not to participate, you are letting down your fellow citizens, missing the opportunity to purchase the gifts that friends and family really want, and putting the nation’s economy at risk! Of course, you’re also missing the chance to upgrade your own electronics, appliances, wardrobe, etc. with the deals of the century!
But not to worry, if you miss Black Friday, there is always Small Business Saturday, that special day when each of us demonstrates with our credit cards that local businesses are essential to our community. So we set out again to purchase the unique and wonderful items that could never be found on Black Friday, but are supplied only by the esteemed small businesses we know and love.
And then, because we can’t possibly find everything we need in a brick and mortar store of any size on Friday or Saturday, we hit the internet on Cyber Monday when we support the behemoths of online shopping and, of course, the shippers – who have staffed up for months to prepare for the onslaught of online orders coming their way. How fun is it to come home everyday and see a pile of packages you don’t even remember ordering all waiting at your door!!
One might think that you have done enough for your nation by spending money you don’t have on all the purchases made on Friday, Saturday and Monday. You would be wrong and selfish to think this way! There are needs far more important than shopping, and if there is any chance that you’re somehow unaware of them, your inbox will be packed with hundreds of email solicitations from our very worthy nonprofits imploring you to help them in their important work with donations on Giving Tuesday! Not for me to say, but you would think the charities might figure out how to ask for money before we’ve spent it all on Friday, Saturday and Monday!! Just saying!
I write this column the Wednesday after Thanksgiving. I have no more money left for anything. I bought more for myself than for others and I didn’t really need any of it, but deals are deals! Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday were truly exhausting. So I’ve decided that today is Worn-Out Wednesday. Because the marketers have been slacking off, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do on Thursday, but I’m “thinking” (see what I did there?) about using the day to come up with plans to make the gifts I didn’t find and can no longer afford to buy! But I will sleep well tonight knowing that I have fulfilled my patriotic duty! Happy Holidays!
Stuart Adelberg has a long record of active engagement and leadership in the region’s arts and social services communities. He appreciates the opportunity provided by the Sentinel to share his occasional observations and opinions.
